We must be in tune with our emotional intelligence in today’s marketplace, where many different personalities and behaviors exist. Learning to navigate our emotions in the workplace, home, or personal lives and how to deal with challenging situations will make the difference between escalating or deescalating uncomfortable encounters with others. Emotionally intelligent leaders may succeed tremendously because they can connect with their feelings, are more intentional and strategic, and may reach more personal and professional goals.
There is a quote by an unknown author that says, “We may be masters of our thoughts, but yet we are still slaves to our emotions.” We become a slave to our own emotions when we don’t know how to manage them. Often, we are not in tune with our emotional intelligence. Emotional intelligence is recognizing, using, and understanding how to manage your emotions and be aware of those around you. When faced with trials, if we allow our feelings to dictate our behavior, we become a slave to them. We all have experienced hardships, tribulations, and some deep traumas, which may have caused us to suppress our emotions and to never identify or deal with our emotional triggers. But suppose we become more sensitive to our feelings, body language, tone, and how we express ourselves. In that case, we can control the narrative in any area of our lives and interactions with others.
As leaders, we must understand our emotional intelligence. How we show up for ourselves and those we lead matters. If we want to build relationships with others, leaders must make a valiant effort to be present and aware of their emotions and staff. Being a leader that is highly intelligent but emotionally dysfunctional does not make for a great leader.A leader’s emotional intelligence drives the culture and climate of a workplace. Leaders who cannot manage their stress levels, tempers or learn to recognize how others may feel may negatively impact the culture and climate of the environment. Daniel Goleman once said that if you are tuned out of your own emotions, you will be poor at reading them in other people. If we can’t identify our feelings, we won’t be able to in others. The way we respond as a leader drives the outcome of the situation. Here are five principles to understanding emotional intelligence that is key to your success as a leader:
- Acknowledge your feelings- When we are self-aware of our feelings, it helps us control ourselves better. Don’t be afraid to name your emotions and own them. It’s okay to feel angry, frustrated, or confused; be in tune with your feelings, ask yourself why you’re feeling this way, and what is happening to your body when you feel these emotions (stomach hurts, headache, sweaty palms). Each time you experience an emotion, write it down in a journal: what were the antecedents that caused it and everything that happened to you and around you. Journaling is the first step in becoming more aware and sensitive to your emotions.
- Take control of self – Self-regulation of our emotions as leaders is vital. If you find that your emotions are getting elevated, something or someone has hit a trigger for you, stop and take a pause. Use calm-down techniques that are beneficial to you (deep breaths, counting backward, positive self-talk, gentle tapping on the leg) before making any sudden moves or saying anything that you will regret later. These calm-down techniques are not necessarily visible but somewhat internally working on the inside of us whenever we feel triggered. The methods can be used any time and anywhere.Viktor E. Frankl once said, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our freedom and power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and freedom.”Try not to be reactive but proactive. It might not be easy, but we can control how we respond when we know others’ emotions.
- Think about your motivation – We are all driven by some catalyst that propels us to do what we do and to show up every day. Each one of us is motivated by something. What is your why? Leaders who know their why will be encouragedto do and be better. Our why causes us to take a deeper look at how we present ourselves, become more reflective, and be more aware of our surroundings. It keeps us grounded and focuses our intentions on moving us forward on what matters the most.
- Put yourself in others’ shoes – Leaders should be empathetic. Are you able to understand someone else’s point of view or perspective? Being emotionally intelligent means that we can recognize what others may be experiencing and feeling. Being aware of others’ feelings also helps us to identify our own. For example, do you feel uncomfortable when someone is expressing opposition to what you’re proposing? Empathy helps leaders understand their values and belief systems and improves our relationships.
- Become aware of how you communicate – Good social skills are vital to being a great leader. Leaders need to be approachable and sociable. Being sociable and approachable doesn’t mean that you must socialize with employees outside the workplace but that others are comfortable with coming to you about issues and problems. How we interact with others impacts job satisfaction for employees and affects the work environment. Conflict is inevitable, and it will happen. Learn to read nonverbal clues emanating from others as well as yours. Learning to problem-solve and resolve disputes in healthy ways will strengthen trust and assist in building stronger relationships. Don’t be afraid to laugh and have fun. Humor relieves stress and may lighten the atmosphere before, during, and after a heavy meeting. It’s okay to express viewpoints constructively and productively, but don’t make it into a power struggle.
Unlocking your emotional intelligence will undoubtedly increase your leadership ability and make you more aware of yourself and others. Emotional intelligence helps us to regulate our emotions and be more proactive than reactive. We become more intentional in our motives and focus on our why and what really matters; lastly, being emotionally intelligent improves our relationships, helps us make better decisions, and expands our social skills. Always remember, we steer the direction that we want the ship to sail.
Marie S. Hall
CEO & Founder
Myrtle Tree Publishing and RubyMac Learning Academy
